I've been trying to make some decisions about my future, namely whether or not I want/need to go to seminary this August. I've been accepted (I think) to the three schools I applied for, which is encouraging. But, like most people, I struggle with how I'm supposed to know exactly what God's plan for me is. I pray and try to concentrate on listening for an answer, but I usually feel like an old radio- mostly static and white noise with whispers of remembered conversations. It would be so much easier if I could get a burning bush like Moses, or even that still, small voice everyone talks about. Come to think of it, I might not want those after all; it seems like every time God speaks directly to someone in the Bible they have to do something difficult and scary. Maybe I should be glad I can't Skype with God.
I know that there are lots of different ways to figure out what God is trying to tell you. I have friends that hear from God in dreams, that have special prayer languages, that get flashes of who needs prayer at any given moment. I also have friends who work solely from logic, like Dr. Spock. So what's my method? I think I've figured it out. It involves both my intellect and my emotions, as well as other people. I have to be really uncertain for a while, researching and pondering and going over every option a dozen times. I have to listen to my heart and change my mind a lot. Eventually, I have to talk about it. With every person I know. Lots and lots of advice. As we discuss, inclinations begin to form. Decisions will be made without me even realizing it. Things will pop out of my mouth that take me by surprise. "Congratulations on getting into Duke!" "Oh thanks, I'm not going there." The scale starts to slowly tip one way or the other. Finally the doors will close or open, and I will know what to do. Once it's decided, I'm sure. I don't have to think about it any more; I just say "thanks Lord!" and do it.
I'm getting past the pondering stage in my seminary discernment process. I'm obviously to the sudden decision stage- Duke was my first choice at one point, but now it's pretty much out of the running... apparently. I'm waiting to visit the other two schools in a couple of weeks and find out about the whole financial aid situation. Those are the doors that I need God to open or close for me. I'm confident He'll do it and that it will be the best situation for me. I can't wait to find out; I'm not a patient person. Maybe God will reveal his Skype name to me in my dreams tonight so I can satisfy my curiosity.
How does God speak to you?
Showing posts with label calling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label calling. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
I'll take Chrysellaneous for 50, Bob!
Such a silly title for possibly the most important post I'll ever make! But hey, that's how I roll! :P
Apparently, people have actually read this blog, so I guess I need to send this out there to the internets.
As you may remember if you've read my blog before, for the past few months I have been struggling with finding my calling. I didn't know what God's plan was for me, so I was sort of putting my whole life on hold until I figured it out. That sounds bad, but what are you supposed to do if you have no idea what you're supposed to be doing? I made a promise for Lent that I was going to try and put God first in my life. I'll be honest, the first few weeks did not go so well. That's the main reason I haven't updated this blog since the last post. I felt bad for letting the world get the best of me. However, even though I had not done the greatest job with my Lent promise, God apparently agrees that "it's the thought that counts." This weekend he gave me the greatest blessing of all: he showed me His plan.
Friday morning I headed to Camp Sumatanga for a Chrysalis weekend. Chrysalis is a retreat for young adults that is done through the Methodist church. We spent three days at the most beautiful place on earth (in my humble opinion) hearing talks, worshipping and fellowshipping with other Christians. I went into the weekend feeling guilty because of my failure to keep my Lent plan. I told my group (Table of the Valiant, woot!) about my struggles to figure out God's plan for me, and they agreed to pray for me.
Every single talk for the rest of the weekend felt like it was directed right at me. Every word went straight to my heart. I started to feel uncomfortable. I remembered a Behold retreat I had attended way back during my senior year of High School. I had felt a nudge in my heart that weekend that had pointed me toward God as a vocation. I quickly decided ministry was not in the works for me, no matter what God said. No PK who has seen the inner workings of a pastor's life says "ooh! I want to be a preacher when I grow up!" So I put that little nudge away on the top shelf in a tiny closet in my heart and went on to get a bachelor's degree in Early Childhood Education. I figured teaching kids was a noble job, maybe God would just leave me alone. But obviously, I wasn't satisfied as a teacher, and God definitely did not leave me alone.
As I was remembering these events in my life that had brought me to this uncertain and stressful point, I kept hearing these inspiring talks from amazing people. They said "forget about your plan -- God's plan is the one that counts." Wow. Can it get any more straightforward than that?
During a group prayer session on Saturday, I burst into tears and told my group "y'all, I am going to be so pissed off if I have to be a preacher!" They obviously thought this was hilarious (I was told it was the best quote from the weekend), but it showed the way my heart was headed. Saturday night was a candlelight and prayer service. I won't go into details because I don't want to spoil any surprises for people who haven't been on a Chrysalis flight (you should definitely go), but I will say it was an extremely powerful service. I wound up sobbing on a back row because I felt God so strongly, and in my head I could hear one of the pastors telling me that you can't ignore God's call, he will just keep coming back over and over. I told God then and there that I wasn't going to ignore Him anymore. I told Him that I will do everything in my power to follow His plan and carry out whatever it is He needs me to do in my life. Whatever is not in my power is definitely in His.
The rest of the weekend just confirmed that I was reading God's signs correctly. He wants me in His service, and I am overjoyed to be there. I hope to go to seminary in a year or so. Taking this time to work and save up some money will also give me a chance to discern what kind of ministry will be my life's work.
I swore back in the day that I would never be a minister like my Dad. I thought I would be mad if God called me to the ministry, but of course I'm not angry. I feel so relieved to finally know what it is I am supposed to be doing with my life. I was Rachel at the well, waiting for something to happen. Now God has come to take me out into the world and show me the rest of my life, and I couldn't be more excited to start the adventure!
Apparently, people have actually read this blog, so I guess I need to send this out there to the internets.
As you may remember if you've read my blog before, for the past few months I have been struggling with finding my calling. I didn't know what God's plan was for me, so I was sort of putting my whole life on hold until I figured it out. That sounds bad, but what are you supposed to do if you have no idea what you're supposed to be doing? I made a promise for Lent that I was going to try and put God first in my life. I'll be honest, the first few weeks did not go so well. That's the main reason I haven't updated this blog since the last post. I felt bad for letting the world get the best of me. However, even though I had not done the greatest job with my Lent promise, God apparently agrees that "it's the thought that counts." This weekend he gave me the greatest blessing of all: he showed me His plan.
Friday morning I headed to Camp Sumatanga for a Chrysalis weekend. Chrysalis is a retreat for young adults that is done through the Methodist church. We spent three days at the most beautiful place on earth (in my humble opinion) hearing talks, worshipping and fellowshipping with other Christians. I went into the weekend feeling guilty because of my failure to keep my Lent plan. I told my group (Table of the Valiant, woot!) about my struggles to figure out God's plan for me, and they agreed to pray for me.
Every single talk for the rest of the weekend felt like it was directed right at me. Every word went straight to my heart. I started to feel uncomfortable. I remembered a Behold retreat I had attended way back during my senior year of High School. I had felt a nudge in my heart that weekend that had pointed me toward God as a vocation. I quickly decided ministry was not in the works for me, no matter what God said. No PK who has seen the inner workings of a pastor's life says "ooh! I want to be a preacher when I grow up!" So I put that little nudge away on the top shelf in a tiny closet in my heart and went on to get a bachelor's degree in Early Childhood Education. I figured teaching kids was a noble job, maybe God would just leave me alone. But obviously, I wasn't satisfied as a teacher, and God definitely did not leave me alone.
As I was remembering these events in my life that had brought me to this uncertain and stressful point, I kept hearing these inspiring talks from amazing people. They said "forget about your plan -- God's plan is the one that counts." Wow. Can it get any more straightforward than that?
During a group prayer session on Saturday, I burst into tears and told my group "y'all, I am going to be so pissed off if I have to be a preacher!" They obviously thought this was hilarious (I was told it was the best quote from the weekend), but it showed the way my heart was headed. Saturday night was a candlelight and prayer service. I won't go into details because I don't want to spoil any surprises for people who haven't been on a Chrysalis flight (you should definitely go), but I will say it was an extremely powerful service. I wound up sobbing on a back row because I felt God so strongly, and in my head I could hear one of the pastors telling me that you can't ignore God's call, he will just keep coming back over and over. I told God then and there that I wasn't going to ignore Him anymore. I told Him that I will do everything in my power to follow His plan and carry out whatever it is He needs me to do in my life. Whatever is not in my power is definitely in His.
The rest of the weekend just confirmed that I was reading God's signs correctly. He wants me in His service, and I am overjoyed to be there. I hope to go to seminary in a year or so. Taking this time to work and save up some money will also give me a chance to discern what kind of ministry will be my life's work.
I swore back in the day that I would never be a minister like my Dad. I thought I would be mad if God called me to the ministry, but of course I'm not angry. I feel so relieved to finally know what it is I am supposed to be doing with my life. I was Rachel at the well, waiting for something to happen. Now God has come to take me out into the world and show me the rest of my life, and I couldn't be more excited to start the adventure!
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