Significance and Integrity

Last weekend I had the joy of working a young adult Chrysalis journey at Camp Sumatanga. I had an even greater joy of sponsoring three of my very good friends to come on the journey. It was an amazing weekend filled with so much agape love that it was hard to take it all in. I love serving on a Chrysalis because I get to use all of my gifts to love people. I came home on Sunday on such a "Jesus high," and I never wanted it to go away.

Unfortunately, the world intruded much sooner than I expected when my mom told me that her uncle had passed away over the weekend. Even though he was 89 years old and has been pretty sick for a long time, the passing of a loved one is never easy to take. And Uncle Bob was certainly loved, by my family and many others. If you want to read his obituary, go here. Chances are you won't read it all the way because it's so darn long! You see, my Uncle Bob was an amazing person. At his funeral there were many people that spoke of his military service, his long career in the US Social Security System (he was the Deputy Commissioner, the highest non-elected office in Social Security), and the numerous awards he received for all kinds of things. A colleague of his said that he was a "true American." He was an extreme volunteer; there is even an award that bears his name (from the UAB Center for Aging). But to me, the highest praise was when his stepson, Tim, got up and talked about Bob's love for his stepchildren and grandchildren, people who weren't related to him by blood but that he loved with his whole heart. He was known to stand up in the middle of a meeting or church service and loudly proclaim that he had the best grandchildren in the world! He loved God, and he showered that love on every person he met. Tim put into words what the rest of us couldn't; Uncle Bob was "successful" in every sense of the word, but that wasn't the whole story. Bob Bynum wasn't just successful, he was significant. He touched every life he came into contact with in a positive, lasting way.

As I reflected on Uncle Bob's story over the course of this week, I wondered how I could change my focus from living a "successful" life to living a "significant" life. In the small group that I attend every Thursday night, we learned that God calls every person to His mission, to share the love of Jesus Christ. In order to do that, I will need the integrity of a follower of Christ. To have integrity I have to know who I am, what I stand for, and what I have to do to fulfill my mission. That is how I can live a significant life. That is one thing that can change a story of ambition, prestige, and greed into a story of love, friendship and grace like my Uncle Bob's.

Isn't it amazing when God answers your questions even when you don't ask them out loud?

Parenthetical Excitement!

I watched some of Ellen DeGeneres' old stand-up comedy tonight instead of watching the first half of the Auburn game. Don't judge me (or do, it's ok). One of her jokes was about how we have been trained by society to think that we all have some sort of disorder like ADD when we are, in her opinion, really just too lazy to pay attention (I would tell you the exact joke, but to be honest I wasn't paying much attention). She said that people are always trying to convince us that something is wrong with us. "Are you tired? Do you feel depressed? Are you stressed?"  Her answer? Of course! I'm alive, aren't I? 

I thought about writing a post dissecting that joke to find some deeper meaning about life in general. Something like "should life really make us feel tired, depressed and stressed?" Probably with some sweet Jesus-action thrown in. But then I decided that I didn't want to write that post. I'm too tired, depressed and stressed. My brain is too busy thinking about the (very rewarding) work I have to do tomorrow at church, the (really fun) road trip I'm taking tomorrow night through Tuesday, and the (totally amazing) Chrysalis weekend I'm working next week. I have to remind myself to stick those parentheses into that sentence, otherwise my thoughts will turn into ohmygoshihaven'tmadesignsforthebulletinboardsorcopiesforkids'churchordonelaundryforthetripormadeagapeorgottenallthelettersinortakenabreathinlikethirtyseconds!!!!!!

What would happen if I didn't insert those bold parentheses? Those reminders are all that stands between me and the loony bin. If I forget to notice the good things in life, everything will just run together like my mascara did this afternoon at Chrysalis commissioning (the smell of a perfectly mixed anointing oil on my forehead always gets to me)! So I have to remember to stop and smell the roses, or, during this time of year, stop and smell the leaves dying. Gosh, that sounds morbid.

I'll take Chrysellaneous for 50, Bob!

Such a silly title for possibly the most important post I'll ever make! But hey, that's how I roll! :P

Apparently, people have actually read this blog, so I guess I need to send this out there to the internets.

As you may remember if you've read my blog before, for the past few months I have been struggling with finding my calling. I didn't know what God's plan was for me, so I was sort of putting my whole life on hold until I figured it out. That sounds bad, but what are you supposed to do if you have no idea what you're supposed to be doing? I made a promise for Lent that I was going to try and put God first in my life. I'll be honest, the first few weeks did not go so well. That's the main reason I haven't updated this blog since the last post. I felt bad for letting the world get the best of me. However, even though I had not done the greatest job with my Lent promise, God apparently agrees that "it's the thought that counts." This weekend he gave me the greatest blessing of all: he showed me His plan.

Friday morning I headed to Camp Sumatanga for a Chrysalis weekend. Chrysalis is a retreat for young adults that is done through the Methodist church. We spent three days at the most beautiful place on earth (in my humble opinion) hearing talks, worshipping and fellowshipping with other Christians. I went into the weekend feeling guilty because of my failure to keep my Lent plan. I told my group (Table of the Valiant, woot!) about my struggles to figure out God's plan for me, and they agreed to pray for me.
Every single talk for the rest of the weekend felt like it was directed right at me. Every word went straight to my heart. I started to feel uncomfortable. I remembered a Behold retreat I had attended way back during my senior year of High School. I had felt a nudge in my heart that weekend that had pointed me toward God as a vocation. I quickly decided ministry was not in the works for me, no matter what God said. No PK who has seen the inner workings of a pastor's life says "ooh! I want to be a preacher when I grow up!" So I put that little nudge away on the top shelf in a tiny closet in my heart and went on to get a bachelor's degree in Early Childhood Education. I figured teaching kids was a noble job, maybe God would just leave me alone. But obviously, I wasn't satisfied as a teacher, and God definitely did not leave me alone.
As I was remembering these events in my life that had brought me to this uncertain and stressful point, I kept hearing these inspiring talks from amazing people. They said "forget about your plan -- God's plan is the one that counts." Wow. Can it get any more straightforward than that?

During a group prayer session on Saturday, I burst into tears and told my group "y'all, I am going to be so pissed off if I have to be a preacher!" They obviously thought this was hilarious (I was told it was the best quote from the weekend), but it showed the way my heart was headed. Saturday night was a candlelight and prayer service. I won't go into details because I don't want to spoil any surprises for people who haven't been on a Chrysalis flight (you should definitely go), but I will say it was an extremely powerful service. I wound up sobbing on a back row because I felt God so strongly, and in my head I could hear one of the pastors telling me that you can't ignore God's call, he will just keep coming back over and over. I told God then and there that I wasn't going to ignore Him anymore. I told Him that I will do everything in my power to follow His plan and carry out whatever it is He needs me to do in my life. Whatever is not in my power is definitely in His.

The rest of the weekend just confirmed that I was reading God's signs correctly. He wants me in His service, and I am overjoyed to be there. I hope to go to seminary in a year or so. Taking this time to work and save up some money will also give me a chance to discern what kind of ministry will be my life's work.

I swore back in the day that I would never be a minister like my Dad. I thought I would be mad if God called me to the ministry, but of course I'm not angry. I feel so relieved to finally know what it is I am supposed to be doing with my life. I was Rachel at the well, waiting for something to happen. Now God has come to take me out into the world and show me the rest of my life, and I couldn't be more excited to start the adventure!